Of life itself...

, , 11 comments
It’s been ages since I sat down and typed anything sensible in my blog – I must say I’m getting really depressed with the quality of all the writing I’ve been churning out lately; they all just go to show the state of mind I have been in all these days – confused, aimless, happy at times and unhappy quite often too – and one look at the archives of the blog was enough to irritate me into consciousness.

The blog was started when I was new and wide-eyed in Singapore, and those were days when I had something to write about everyday. I am stunned at how these days I hardly make a joyous note of the insignificant things in my life that brighten my day. Guess working does that to people, and I hate it. Working has made me busy, uninspired, mechanical, and don’t get me wrong – there is nothing wrong with my job itself, I love it for all its nice and makes-you-want-to-break-something moments, it’s equally rewarding – but working itself, has changed me. I’m no longer carefree, I realized, and I don’t like that at all. So, well, I decided to spend some good time writing about all the insignificant but momentous things that have been going on in my life these six months of working (gosh, it’s really been that long??).

Graduating. It was joyous, but really felt like I was leaving something of my life behind. Irresponsibility, innocence, the freedom to commit mistakes, starry-eyed-ness about pretty much everything. Campus walks, project-cursing, the benches. And sigh, even exams.



The house. It’s a simple, lovely house where the landlord has generously left behind his stuff that we have conveniently gotten used to using for ourselves. The room I took has a bookcase. Pretty much why I took the room even though it’s small and hardly has a cupboard and didn’t even have a mirror when I moved in. But the bookcase, wooden, light brown, mounted on the wall, really tempted me and I knew I should have it filled. I’m well on my way! (Ignore the fact that it's the bookcase that has to hold anything that won't fit in my silly wardrobe that can ONLY hold my clothes on hangers!) Look at the books! Making way for more..

The work. I have been enjoying, much to my surprise. It’s fun to learn new things, and sometimes it’s good to do things well for that rare element of praise that comes your way. I know – I have to grow up, but heck, I’ve just been working 6 months. Only thing I don’t like as yet is the loss of being/thinking irresponsibly, of having to think twice before narrating your weekend screw-up with the danger that your colleagues think you’ve lost it looming heavily around, and finally, the horrible branding of ‘cute’ on you. While it feels nice to be the youngest in the team, sometimes I feel childish and like I know nothing. Not to say of the millions of times you feel like an idiot for having to ask how to reply to an email or handle a situation. Well, you gotta learn!

Movies, music. So many to even remember and list since I started working. Why, I watched a movie on my first day of work too! Kung Fu Panda. Hilarious. Been enjoying all the best animation, the latest being Bolt – totally worth your time!
Music has been keeping life together as strongly as ever. Even during the fifteen minutes I have in the morning between my shower and leaving for work, I switch the computer on for a loop of the one song that totally fits the mood of the morning. The favourites have been Jashn-e-Bahaara, Iravu Nilavu, Taxi Taxi, Tu Bole Main Boloon, Manmohini Morey, and recently, Guzaarish and Kaise Mujhe. The CD collection is growing, thanks to my proud contributions from my salary. Yuvvraaj kinda disappointed me as I could not find his usual brilliance – and I thought Ghajini was another disappointment until I got hooked to most of the songs. Waiting for the movie to release – should be worth a watch.

There was a karaoke session in between too. Three hours of non-stop fun, where my friends were treated not just to songs they knew but even ‘Engeyum eppodhum’ from Ninaithale
Inikkum, ‘Oru maalai’, and to my utter delight, ‘Pudhu Vellai Mazhai’ and songs from ABBA too! While my throat ached with the sudden overuse for singing, I realized with horror that probably the only sruthi I could sing in these days would be naalarai kattai. At this rate I’ll end up like DK Pattamaal. Shit.

Otherwise… there have been some travel trips. One to Batam, Indonesia for voluntary work, another to Bintan, Indonesia that had the most beautiful beaches I'd seen (the photo - there's the beach, the music and a book - ice cream was the only essential thing missing!). There was also a short trip home during which all that happened was rain, rain and rain like it was the end of the world. It was great fun with my sister’s baby boy and watching his antics and carrying him to various corners in the house and showing him ‘apple’, ‘rat’ and ‘bananas’ off the huge picture of Ganesha in the living room. Miss the boy terribly.

Life still seems to be a dream, like I am living someone else’s life and not mine. Isn’t that a horrible wake-up call? I mentally make a note to start off with various things like continuing my German, learning to swim and paint, but things don’t seem to stick. Maybe it’s time for my first new year resolution! Well, I’ll make it later :D

11 comments:

Ranajay said...

Hey Vani...don't worry abt it. Its something like culture shock that you're gg through. For 4 years you're in Uni, and the next thing you know you're living on your own. There's a certain element of joy and carefreeness associated with college which we wont ever see again...but there're more things to look forward to...we just gotta find those things.

Anyway...I'm wasted right now. Don't take my words too seriously :P. Take care!

tony said...

Learning to swim? In a bikini?

! ky said...

lol tony...

hey vani wat ranajay said was correct this is just the start there is much more things you have to go through just try to keep yourself happy in every thing you experience.
good luck.

Kven

http://kollywoodmoviereview.blogspot.com/

Ranajay said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ranajay said...

Yayz! I make sense even when I'm drunk :P! Or is it only when I'm drunk?

Hmmm....something to think about...

Ramnarayan Natarajan said...

hey, really different your this blog compared to all the previous archived ones.. am your die hard blog fan.. since am in singapore gone from coimbatore, served 2 years in the ns (army) and now working become singaporean, living here might have attracted me to read your blog.. but your turbulations, your passion and spirit to accomplish things once target has been set, and a positive mindset, even amidst alien settings, really makes me impress.. your a role model for each and every aspiring youth! hmm.. really nice.. please do blog on a daily basis.. :-)

iamyuva said...

well,we got better experience..so have fun and try make most of it...your life.

! ky said...

hey check out the blog contest u can win prize...
do take part in the contest check out my n go through the instructions.
http://kollywoodmoviereview.blogspot.com/2008/12/christmas-and-new-year-bash-huge.html

Ramya said...

This is exactly what I felt when I read thru my archives!!
I even tried posting a few so-called-sensible posts, but that doesn't seem to be helping either!

Dante said...

Juz took a closer look at your bookcase and those are some mighty heavy tomes ... thank god for the "3 men in a tub" coz otherwise i would have formed the judgement that you liked being miserable .... *grin* ... sorry, me and my snap judgements ... it seems thou at least to me that you love books which deal with the prickly subject of apartheid, genocide .... I on the other hand love my satire and mystery books ie sherlock holmes, voltaire, don quixote, henry david thoreau ...

Maybe i should get you some books by wodehouse ... hopefully that should lighten u somewhat ...

(p.s. do i sense somebody is learning german ??? )

Chandra said...

very well written...

good luck for your german, swimming and painting stuff...