Do you know what it feels like, when you are neither happy, nor depressed, nor satisfied, nor angry, well, just feel nothing? Do you remember how it feels to be devoid of any emotion – feel the emptiness in you, hollow, and ringing? Telling you something that you just cannot understand or interpret in human terms?
I feel void. I want to escape, not because I’m irritated, or angry, or bored. I want something new. Someplace new. Some people I don’t know. People who just know my existence and acknowledge it. I want to sit in some far away meadow, where flowers are scattered across in my favourite colours. Purple, blue, white and red. Where there is one bird, just one bird, that sings from time to time. I want no sound except of the bird, and of water from a river quite far away. I want to lie down and stare at the sky, as it dawns, as the sun shines, as dusk returns, and as stars blink.
I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to meet people. I want a book. I want to remember my favourite songs so I can play them over and over in my head, and they sound pristine in that silent heaven.
I want to run away from the past and the future, forget life, school, job, final year project, deadlines. I want to be able to keep walking in this place, and still not see its end.
I want this surreal world, now. The room seems to be closing in on me, as does any thought, making the void inside resonate with the sound of emptiness.
Sigh, where can I find such a place but in my dreams?
Take me away.
