Void

, , 23 comments

Do you know what it feels like, when you are neither happy, nor depressed, nor satisfied, nor angry, well, just feel nothing? Do you remember how it feels to be devoid of any emotion – feel the emptiness in you, hollow, and ringing? Telling you something that you just cannot understand or interpret in human terms?

I feel void. I want to escape, not because I’m irritated, or angry, or bored. I want something new. Someplace new. Some people I don’t know. People who just know my existence and acknowledge it. I want to sit in some far away meadow, where flowers are scattered across in my favourite colours. Purple, blue, white and red. Where there is one bird, just one bird, that sings from time to time. I want no sound except of the bird, and of water from a river quite far away. I want to lie down and stare at the sky, as it dawns, as the sun shines, as dusk returns, and as stars blink.

I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to meet people. I want a book. I want to remember my favourite songs so I can play them over and over in my head, and they sound pristine in that silent heaven.

I want to run away from the past and the future, forget life, school, job, final year project, deadlines. I want to be able to keep walking in this place, and still not see its end.

I want this surreal world, now. The room seems to be closing in on me, as does any thought, making the void inside resonate with the sound of emptiness.

Sigh, where can I find such a place but in my dreams?

Take me away.

23 comments:

dante said...

i remember feeling like that ... i still do feel like that sometimes when it seems like the sights and sounds of the world seems to overwhem your senses .....

i sorta remember this photo i once saw in a calender when i was much younger .... it was of a thatched cottage in the middle of nowhere, next to a huge pond and surrounded by fields of orange tulips and a lone tree .... i still vividly remember being enamoured of that photo and promising myself that one day, i shall find that place and live there ... my own little private shangri la ... far away from the maddening crowd .... *grin*

(p.s. come to think of it, think it was taken in holland .... where else would you find such an abundant fields of tulip ???)

Vani Viswanathan said...

that place you saw in the calendar - i want!!!
the hollowness sorta disappeared after a walk around the campus. but what wouldn't i give to be in such a place as i described!

rsubras said...

itz oki...this kind of feeling shall also pass :) just chill

>>Take me away.

is that a call to ur prince :p

Asha said...

As in feeling "indifferent"? Hmmm...

Aravind said...

hav been thru similar feelings!! But, as RS said, this shall pass!!!

Vani Viswanathan said...

RS,
pass it did, but it came back soon too!
as for the call to the prince, LOL, ungalukunnu ideas varudhu.. haha!

asha,
hmm, close, but not quite!
and hey, seeing you around after really long!

aravind,
yeah! this kind of feeling coming often isn't too good :P

rsubras said...

and if aint pass u ....u pass ahead of those feelings...it is as simple as it is :)

hehehe..my idea cud well be one of the solution to this problem...

dante said...

//I want to lie down and stare at the sky, as it dawns, as the sun shines, as dusk returns, and as stars blink. I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to meet people. I want a book. I want to remember my favourite songs so I can play them over and over in my head, and they sound pristine in that silent heaven.

sounds like my sorta place .... book me a place, will ya ... juz need to get some comfort food and i will be set .... think i need a break ... maybe bali .... anyone interested ??? *grin*

Vani Viswanathan said...

RS,
I can't look around for a prince to solve problems :D The void is pretty much gone now because i have so much to do, and if i sit around dreaming of such things, I might actually never be able to go to such a place at all :P

Dante,
Bali? BALI???? It's of course nice n all that, but so.. touristy!!

rsubras said...

woww..a vani comment after a long time at my blog :) a privilege eh :)

so breeze started flowing into ur mind and filled the void....that shud have cooled the things down.... great :)

gOOpi said...

if this feeling stays, it will b good.. but..

Art said...

Currenlty feeling the same..

Raj said...

You want bliss, what can i say! :)

Karthik B.S. said...

//I don’t want to talk, I don’t want to meet people. I want a book. I want to remember my favourite songs so I can play them over and over in my head, and they sound pristine in that silent heaven. //

Same blood! :)

Karthik B.S. said...

BTW, first time here.

Anonymous said...

thts a fanstastic description of the most serene n tranquil place on earth perhaps..somewhere where the disturbed soul can rest and reflect on one's life and clear out a lot of complications he s been thru.....

seems like u r too bugged by the monotony of life and most of us has been thru such phases before ,which show up quite often .... but personally whenever i have been thru such tryin times, i have always thought about the happy moments i have had so far and the ones that will be coming in future and this hope calms me down a lot..coz as some wise soul had said..hope is the only source of existense that a human can cling on to..

so love hope and u ll love life..cheers

dante said...

//Bali? BALI???? It's of course nice n all that, but so.. touristy!!

well of coz, i would love to rough it out in the artic wilds or trek through the lush landscape of tasmania or traipse across the ruins of europe but unfortunately all of those activities require serious "moolah" aka cash which i happen to be in short supply of ..... *grin*

Sooo guess i have to settle for some sand and surf in lovely ol' bali .... even thou it's a bit "touristy", as you put it so kindly ... *wink* ... interested in joining me ???

akila said...

philosophically speaking (might seem out of context to this audience), vani, your real nature is that void, you experienced. Did'nt you feel very happy in that thoughtfree state ? It is the feeling of simply BEing what you really are. The incessant activity of the mind covers up your real nature, deludes you into believing that you are not that VOID. Cheer up dear, and long for such voids & when it does occur, just BE there!

Vani Viswanathan said...

RS,
haha! yeah :)

goopi,
hmm.. maybe, but i don't know what to do with such a feeling!

art,
so i'm not alone!

raj,
asking for too much, is it? :(

b.s. karthik,
welcome! haha, as i said, looks like i'm not alone in such weird thoughts!

Vani Viswanathan said...

anon,
hmm, this thought was not really devoid of calm - in fact i think it was too much calm that put me off - for the reason we usually don't feel like this too often!

dante,
got no moolah for bali meh! bali too atas for me lor!

akila,
i didn't feel happy! like i'd said, it was devoid of any feeling! and it was actually quite scary!

Raj said...

oh no vani, not at all! :) Since most ppl already told u that u r not alone, i didnt wanna add...but here goes: u r not alone, i have felt it at times too! Now, does that make u comfy?! :D

iamyuva said...

answer myself...why? then you can better alternatives... otherwise you can drug yourself althou wouldnt recommend that.

Prabhu Aryan said...

Hmm..change alone drives the world...
njoy the every moment of life, thn u wont feel void...