Why an 18 year old shouldn't cook

Reading the comments for my previous post, I realize that all that I can do at my best is to laugh away to tears. And this reminds me of my innumerable attempts to cook in my hall canteen and how I've still managed to survive.
It was only after I came here that I fully knew how to operate a microwave. So the first time I had to use it, I was bewildered at all those buttons they had, and took my Thai roomie along with me to the kitchen so that she'll be able to help me. All I had to do was to keep a vessel with rice in it for 11 minutes.
I listened carefully as Tutu(that's her name..) instructed me on what to do. I did as she told and right next to it, trying to peep in through the glass door and see what was happening : I found the whole idea funny and, actually cute, to see the vessel slowly turning inside.
"No, no, don't stand there", said Tutu. " you might catch the microwave radiations, and they might be really harmful..."
Oh my god, not what I wanted.
I stood elsewhere in the pantry. And Tutu soon had to leave, she couldn't wait for the whole 11 minutes with me.
And as she left, she said "Make sure you know where the fire extinguisher is, just in case"
Boy, I was scared and immediately rushed out. Thank God, Singaporeans were intelligent and had an extinguisher very near the pantry.
This was just the beginning of my cooking adventures.
All this while I had only used the microwave. Now, I had to try the gas stove once. I knew these things were automatic (man, what in Singapore ain't automatic??) and that I just had to turn the knob to light the stove. I do that, and whoa! the stove is lit with a bang... and louder than that was my heart beating so loudly.... you know, I've like never seen stoves getting lit by themselves, sounds quite scary!!!!
The next was to make maggi. I didn't have a pan so I couldn't use the stove and instead used a microwaveable vessel to put it in the oven for 2 minutes.
Darn!! The maggi was all done, but that 'water' part of it had flown out of the vessel and the microwave plate was fully drenched in maggi thanni. Enakku irukkara velai poraadhunnu oven-a vera clean pannindu irundhean, and guess, with what?? Tissue paper from the loo ! ;) ....theviya kadavule!!
But what beats the whole list of my kitchen adventures is the paratha experience. My friend and I bought a pack of onion parathas (those frozen, ready to eat ones) on a Friday, with great hopes of eating it on Saturday for dinner. Both of us didn't realize that these things have to be frozen ;) (namma levels ivalodhaan) . So we happily brought it on saturday to heat it in the oven and eat. There were 5 parathas, each with plastic coverings on both sides. We turned the pack to read the instructions.
'Heat for 5 mins' was all it said.
Good yaar, we thought, and opened the pack. The parathas in between the plastic coverings looked kinda melted. Ya they will be, we thought, realizing late that they have to be frozen and we didn't have a fridge. Never mind, just heat it for 5 mins.
We put the paratha with the plastic coverings (they should be microwave heat resistent, shouldn't they?) and set the time for 5 mins and left the pantry to go to the adjacent TV lounge. We were busy switching channels when we smelled a faint, burning smell.
Ah, can't be.
NO IT IS!!!!
We ran to the pantry only to find the oven smoking and coughing, and hurriedly switched it off. Opening the oven door(my hands were really shaking you know..) we saw the paratha black and karugified, with the *microwaveable* plastic covering melted and all over it. it took 20 minutes for this mess to cool and almost an hour for us to clean it. We had to scrape the nonsense out with spoons, forks and knives and the oven actually smelled of our burnt paratha for months after the episode.
As you might have guessed, I never tried making parathas again.
We managed to eat the remaining four parathas after almost an hour again.. cooking these required a lot of work, hunting around for a pan, scraping the parathas stuck to the plastic sheet, rolling them into a ball, flattening them, heating them etc. etc. etc.
Well, looking at all this I can confidently say I'm "cooking" much better now...I can make maggi properly in a pan(though it never gets cooked in 2 mins. all promotional gimmicks, man!!!), know what to and what not to keep in an oven, etc. Good, I'm pleased with myself! I'm in a much better position now than what I was before coming here: running away from the kitchen at home if amma is thalicchufying kadugu or doing a whole jazz dance when I had to seive maida(it's just me that shakes, not the seive), or taking one hour to cut those boiled potatoes to pieces.
But I'm sure many of you will agree, only people like me will become the best cooks later in life!
Vani V invites you all for dinner, will serve maggi and pickle. Game?