Maybe I'm not that hard hearted after all; I cried today watching a movie!!!! Surprisingly, for the first time, the other me did not say "Hey Vani, come on, it's just a movie.." Well, it was for real, it wasn't anything made up. I shed tears for a scene in Swades.
What a beautiful movie! I got it from my friend to watch it for the n-th time, but I was amazed, I was so moved by one particular scene only when I saw it this time - the scene when King Khan buys that tiny pitcher of water from the little boy selling it in the station - it brought a surge of emotions in me - of the helplessness of doing nothing to help the situation of the little boy selling water, his desperation to get money, that counting of change, that sudden hope he must be getting once he sees the train, the anger of India still being like this, and finally, and very strongly, guilty to be in another country.
Well, though it's just a few months since I came to this place and I have plans of spending the greater part of my life only in India, I feel very guilty at times that even I'm one of those people who have left India. I do try to convince myself that I will return, that I'm here only to study and will go back but I have always been afraid that even I will be caught in those endless fantasies and comforts that a life abroad will have to offer. Well, I can say that I do have a strong mind and it is quite difficult to get me do things which matter, though I easily give in to wishes of others for trivial matters; and I hope this holds true even for this thought - I should get back!
As I prepared to leave India to come to this place, many told me " Hmm, so now you're going there, and you'll become a Singaporean...you might choose to settle there, of course, it is anytime better than our dirty, crowded and polluted city!" I protested saying no, I will come back here and only work. They laughed it off saying everyone says this when they leave, but seeing the comfortable life there, nobody will choose to. Well, such talk really irritates me. As elders, I would always rather they say that I should come back. Or at least, if not, just leave it and say good! Why do they have to be so? That's when my mom said that if they talk about me this way, I shouldn't really care. "Just nod, and leave it. Prove to them you are not that way. " How true that is! I only hope everyday that I don't get caught in this torrent too, that I will do what I had always thought I will.
Whatever comforts I have in another country, I never think I will have the ease of mind and familiarity that I have in India. For that's my home, that's where I belong.
New beginnings
3 years ago
19 comments:
vani, that scene was a moving one.
most of have the same feelings, about returning to India. I tell all my challengers, Kaalam bathil sollum :)
Hats off to you Vani!!!..the pride of belonging and feeling to give something back to it, is what India needs now...(IMHO)..well as Saranyan says, Kaalam bathil sollum
I don't believe in advicing people whether to return to india to work and so on, cuz i'm undecided myself. But what I can tell you is that you have nothing to prove to anyone! Never do anything with an intention of proving someone wrong! (though i'm sure u haven't given that any thought at all) Do what YOU want to do, and don't get me wrong here, instead of what your parents want you to od. Afterall, it is your life and you are gonna live with the consequences. I'm sure u'll get sound advice from your sis provided you two don't fight everytime you see each other! :d Anyways, nice to know you cried. *remembers a brilliant quote* "Never waste your tears" and save it for something really worthy. Gosh, this comment is long simply cause i'm bored adn have nothing to do. Peace girl!
" I feel very guilty at times that even I'm one of those people who have left India"
U know wat, i am not guilty at all. Actually i am very prowd that i am making my country's presence felt here in US.
If this offers some sort of solace, here's a way to have the cake(live abroad) and eat it(feel like you contribute to your society) too.
When you live and earn abroad, you repatriate funds back to your nation and help further foreign exchange reserves back home. Small drop in a ever-growing ocean !!
Then there is the fact that while furthering your materialistic desires, you also improve your living standards along with those of people that you love back home.
Then the temptation of living in relatively much more comfortable settings let you breathe in peace.
The real issue here is not your native land missing you and would need your efforts in bettering its prospects. It would move on with or without you.
The real issue is you missing your country. Over a period of time, you would discover things that matter to you most. You would find beautiful emotions stirring inside you as you find the need to connect to memories of your childhood and simplicity in an increasingly complicated life. That is when you would want to go back and make up for lost time.
As they say, you can take an Indian out of India. India can live with that. But, you cannot take India out of an Indian.
The topic was interesting.
Swades - adds one more to the "Kandippa parkanum" list.
Regarding migrating:
Well naan ippo 100% chennai vasi.
I myself have moved from Coimbatore sometime back. My mom and dad moved from down south to Coimbatore in their days.
But moving for better opportunities have always happened.
People move from smaller to bigger cities. But we somehow notice only when someone goes very far off (read another country).All this returning sentiment comes only then.
My only suggestion is - don't feel guilty et al.
When your priorities change you will obviously come back.
There are times when I feel 'why am I living in this place' when I am forced to buy lorries of water (not enough water because of too many people coming to Chennai.That happens because there are not enough opportunities in our own villages/smaller towns), when I am forced to bribe for even death certificates, for getting treated in govt. hospitals.
But then we are all selfish to some extent.
Indian culture does not teach ‘greater common good’.
It does not teach us to stand up and fight.
It teaches us to get things done and mind our own business.
There is only so much you can do in 24 hours.
We have our priorities.We move on.
Any developed country will provide you all the comforts in the world.
But people - wonderful parents, siblings, friends, the time together are what makes life worth living.
That only India can provide.
I can even live in Antarctica if I can get all my friends and Amma there.
Illena, I would rather have my vathakuzhambu/ morkuzhambu sadham and roam around chennai knowing fully well my amma will be there when i come home.
Sorry for the longish comment.
Vaazhkai muzhukka India-la irundha en friends-ae azhudhaanga andha scene-a paarthu... oora vittu ooru ponaavanga were bound to be affected! :)
It's one brilliant movie. I've been trying to watch it again.. kidaika maatengudhu :(
" Whatever comforts I have in another country, I never think I will have the ease of mind and familiarity that I have in India. For that's my home, that's where I belong."
This is too nice a post to be saying this... but...
Ramarajan-um idhae dhaan sonaan! :D
harish...
adappavi!!!! decent-aa oru comment ezhudhinadhukku ippdi kavuthittiye!!!!
for those who haven't watched swades yet, do check it out!
one of the dialogues in the movie says that ultimately all of us comfortably rest putting the blame on the government and the people in general.... prabhu karthik, maybe i haven't yet experienced the situations you've been talking about, but is it really impossible for us to make a change? it may sound as another movie dialogue, but when at all will this end? do we have to wait for a mr. or ms. perfect to come, rule and remove all the corruption? i've always been bewildered thinking of all this.....will we see the india we all want to see?
i'm laughing now, cause this post was supposed to be on something entirely different, and suddenly i digressed and started talking about something else!!
Continuing with the Ramarajan feed,
"Sorgame vanthallum athu nammooru polla varuma" seems to fit perfectly in your case. You must have noticed that no matter where people migrate for work, they tend to gravitate towards their roots after retirement.
Its nice to see a bit of patriotism. However we need to be practical.
Not all people who stay back in India help their country and not all of the NRIs are selfish either. Its within an individual whether he is helping the cause of fellow human beings are not.
Without huge savings in the kitty, how many of us would be ready to do dump the jobs and work in a village for their upliftment? More importantly can it be sustained?
Better approach is to continue with our present bread & butter job either in India or US and in our free time, help others.
It need not be as drastic as bringing electricity to some remote villages. Nor is it neccessary to be populistic, like writing great articles in the media for publicity.
Monetary contribution is also required but contribution in time is more appreciated. Just drop in to some orphanage or home for disabled kids. May be you can conduct academic tuitions for them, teach them soft skills like dancing or singing or vocational skills like computers or sewing etc. If nothing is possible just spend one day per week, playing and chatting with them. Not only will it alleviate the kid's lonliness, the satisfaction you derive will be unmatched. Experience it to believe it.
I think I am using up too much space in your blog comment space. If required you can charge me rent for this e-real estate ;-)
- Dheepak Ra
I support your decision to come back :) Hope you stick to it. Let's face it, the material comforts are far too tempting and may force you to think twice to reconsider your decision. But I think. it's worth it in the long run. I mean no matter what, India is HOME! See, you don't have to feel guilty about the whole thing. It's your life, you have full right to think about it and be selfish too. But if thoughts of coming back to India and doing something here do occur to you, don't ignore that and I see that's what you are precisely doing. All the best to you! Dude, I rambled too much..
BTW I am specialising in journalism.
I am not blaming the govt.
We are responsible by not standing up when something goes wrong.
we have great faith in the 'namakku edhukku vambu' mentality.
"....the satisfaction you derive will be unmatched. Experience it to believe it."
Dheepak Ra is spot on. Could not agree more.
This blog confirms that u r hard not hearted as u said in ur previous blog " Moved to tears! ". I wanted to comment on that blog itself that everyone will go in tears at some point but the time differs. "Ov voru manishanukkum oru breaking point undu - Kurudhi punal".
Guys no need to feel guilty about ur stay in a foreign country. You guys are proving there that India is best outsourcing destination and because of which we are getting New MNCs and Projects here. After u guys priprity changes obviously you are gonna return to India. But there are few who really become American that is what wounding us as lot.
Back to Swades, I haven't seen it yet, but each and everyone has to do some social contribution atleast.
the feeling's mutual...amazing scene :) or :(( ?
Hi Vani,
Dropped by from Saranyan's blog. Relate to what you said about swades... but i think we all have our roles to play and we do contribute - whether in India or outside! My way of not feeling 'guilty'. How long have u been in Singapore?
"it is anytime better than our dirty, crowded and polluted city!"
well...a very common statement.....and yes, when you return I just hope that you wont add to that dirty, polluted city but refrain from littering on the streets , however inconspicous the waste is, refrain from wasting energy, water....how much ever you are capapble of affording it....
And if you are a person whos doing this already, my sincere thanks !!!
But the problem I have seen is that people do return, some because of home sickness, some because of no other choices and quite a few because they feel like you, but once they are back, they mingle with the Aam Indian.....the learnings of their travel, experience is lost....And India still dreams of a cleaner nice cities :-(
"do we have to wait for a mr. or ms. perfect to come, rule and remove all the corruption? i've always been bewildered thinking of all this.....will we see the india we all want to see?"
Can one man/woman change anything....To see that India, we just ahve to change and do what we can ....from littering to a common cause of the society.....If u cant do at a bigger level, at an individual level and thats when it will reformed...No governments can do anything.....
Having been in a similar situation myself, I can totally identify with and appreciate what you are saying. I told myself I would move back eventually and work in India, and did exactly that a little more than 2 years ago. And I have loved it ever since - I hope you get to live your dream out too! :)
Arvind
http://redlotus.spaces.msn.com
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